Myths & Facts

Myth: Guys cannot be sexually assaulted.
Fact: Both guys and girls can be sexually assaulted. 1 in 20 men and 1 in 5 women in Australia over the age of 15 years have experienced sexual violence in their lifetime.
(Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2006). Personal safety survey (Reissue), Canberra)
Myth: Girls provoke sexual assault by the way they dress or act.
Fact: No person provokes or asks for sexual assault. Girls dress and/or flirt to feel attractive. Perpetrators are responsible for their own actions.
Myth: Girls enjoy being sexually assaulted.
Fact: Any form of sexual violence is frightening and humiliating and no-one enjoys an experience like that.
Myth: Most sexual assaults occur at night time in dark alleys.
Fact: Many sexual assaults occur in the daytime and in the home of the victim.
Myth: Most sexual assaults are committed by strangers.
Fact: Most sexual assaults (80%) are committed by a person known to the victim.
(Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2006). Personal safety survey (Reissue), Canberra)
Myth: Guys cannot be sexually assaulted because they can defend themselves.
Fact: Many people (guys and girls) who are sexually assaulted are so traumatised by a sexual assault that they freeze and may be unable to react. This is a biological function and is not something that a person has control over.
Myth: Having an unwanted sexual act which the person did not consent to is OK if it's with your girlfriend/boyfriend.
Fact: Having an unwanted sexual act with your girlfriend/boyfriend without consent is still sexual assault and therefore against the law.
Myth: A guy cannot be sexually assaulted by a girl.
Fact: Although males are usually sexually assaulted by another male, some are assaulted by females.
Myth: Someone who has been drinking or taking drugs is asking to be sexually assaulted
Fact: Being under the influence of alcohol or drugs can prevent you from giving consent to sexual acts with another person. It is a crime to have sex with a person who cannot give consent due to being underage, intoxicated, unconscious, asleep or that has a decision-making disability.
Myth: Guys only sexually assault others because they are frustrated or they cannot control themselves.
Fact: Some sexual assaults are well planned in advance and do not involve a loss of control on the perpetrator's part.
Myth: Sexual assaults from drink 'spiking' are due to the use of the drug Rohypnol.
Fact: Most sexual assaults involving drink 'spiking' are due to additional amounts of alcohol, not the use of Rohypnol.
Myth: If someone agrees to kissing and fondling, that is the same as agreeing to “going all the way”.
Fact: All people have the right to determine what sexual acts they are comfortable with and can choose to change their minds at any time.
Myth: "No" can sometimes mean "yes" – women sometimes play 'hard to get'.
Fact: No means NO.
Myth: If you buy someone dinner and drinks then it is OK to expect that they will/should have sex with you.
Fact: Just because you are buying something for someone does not entitle you to have sex with them. Sex without real consent is a sexual assault and therefore against the law.
Myth: Guys who are sexually assaulted are, or will, become homosexual.
Fact: Sexual orientation is not affected or influenced by sexual assault.
Myth: Males who sexually assault other males are homosexual.
Fact: Most males who sexually assault other males actually describe themselves as heterosexual and are often in a relationship with a female at the time.
Myth: If someone says yes to a sexual act but changes their mind during the act it is OK to continue.
Fact: Consent can be given and taken away at any time. If someone says no to something, stop.
Myth: It is OK to have sex with your regular partner while they are asleep.
Fact: Someone who is asleep cannot give legal consent. Sex without consent is sexual assault.
Myth: Using the 'pill' is a form of safe sex.
Fact: Use of the ‘pill’ reduces the chances of getting pregnant but it does not protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). The best products for safer sex are condoms which can reduce pregnancy and contracting STIs.
Myth: It is OK to prevent or stop your partner from talking to any other girls or guys.
Fact: A respectful relationship should be free from power and control imbalances and instead nurture trust and respect.
Myth: Is it really sexual assault if someone does not scream or fight and does not have any injuries?
Fact: Most people don’t scream or fight, despite what you see on TV. They may not have screamed or fought during the sexual assault because they were frozen with fear. This is a common reaction for many sexual assault victims.

Respect & consent

What is consent?

 

When involved in sexual activities everyone needs to consent to what is happening. Giving consent means that everyone involved can clearly and freely agree to the sexual activities that are happening. If everyone is not willing or able to give consent then the activity is considered sexual assault and it is against the law.

Sexual activities include touching and kissing as well as penetration.

 

Consent cannot be given when someone:

 

  • is drunk or under the influence  of drugs
  • has had their drink spiked
  • is asleep
  • is unconscious for whatever reason
  • is sick physically or mentally, and doesn’t understand what’s going on
  • feels pressured, forced or threatened
  • is under the age of 16 (in WA).

 

Your sexual rights – you have the right to:

 

  • decide when you want to start having sex
  • say yes to some sexual activities and no to others
  • say yes and change your mind – even if it might be right in the middle of having sex
  • say no  – even if you have said yes to kissing, touching and sex before
  • say no – even if you’re in a relationship. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to have sex with your partner.

 

There are 3 parts to consent. You must be ready, willing and able

 

You must be over the age of 16 and feel like you are emotionally and physically ready within yourself.

 You are willing and can choose who you have sex with and what sexual acts you are comfortable with.

You must be able to give consent.

 

Consent from others

 

It is important to consider others consent too. Whether you’re in a relationship or it’s just casual, you need to know for sure that the other person is consenting to what’s happening.

 

This isn’t always easy stuff to talk about so the best and really only way to know for sure is to ask. Here are some ways you might ask:

 

  • what do you want to do?
  • are you ready to do this?
  • is there anything that you’re not comfortable doing?
  • do you want to stop?
  • are you happy to go further?

 

The other person’s body language can also give you important clues about how they’re feeling and whether they’re comfortable with what’s happening. These may include things like – not responding to your touch, turning their face away from you, or pushing you away. If you notice any of these things it might be their way of telling you that they don’t consent and want to stop.

 

In a relationship?

 

You need to make sure that you are getting clear consent from your boyfriend or girlfriend and that they are happy with what’s happening. The best way to do this is to talk about it and make sure that you are both ok with having sex and other sexual activities before going ahead with it. Don’t be afraid to speak up and say ‘I really like you but I’m just not ready for sex yet’.

 

Remember that everyone is different and there is nothing wrong with you if you’re not ready to have sex or do other sexual things with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It is important to do what is right for you, and only have sex when you are ready to do so. If you’re not ready, there are many other ways that you can be close and intimate with your boyfriend or girlfriend like kissing, touching and holding each other.

 

Remember that oral and anal sex is sex too, so you need to make sure you’re ready for it. It shouldn’t just be used as something to avoid having penetrative sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

For more information on respect in relationships check out the Fact Sheet ‘Respectful Relationships’.

 

If you liked this Fact Sheet and want to know more check out our other Fact Sheets:

 

 

Information taken from Love: the good, the bad and the ugly; theline.gov.au; Reaching out; Sex’n’respect; Get the facts; Bursting the bubble; RR school presentations; and SARC resources.