Myths & Facts

Myth: Guys cannot be sexually assaulted.
Fact: Both guys and girls can be sexually assaulted. 1 in 20 men and 1 in 5 women in Australia over the age of 15 years have experienced sexual violence in their lifetime.
(Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2006). Personal safety survey (Reissue), Canberra)
Myth: Girls provoke sexual assault by the way they dress or act.
Fact: No person provokes or asks for sexual assault. Girls dress and/or flirt to feel attractive. Perpetrators are responsible for their own actions.
Myth: Girls enjoy being sexually assaulted.
Fact: Any form of sexual violence is frightening and humiliating and no-one enjoys an experience like that.
Myth: Most sexual assaults occur at night time in dark alleys.
Fact: Many sexual assaults occur in the daytime and in the home of the victim.
Myth: Most sexual assaults are committed by strangers.
Fact: Most sexual assaults (80%) are committed by a person known to the victim.
(Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2006). Personal safety survey (Reissue), Canberra)
Myth: Guys cannot be sexually assaulted because they can defend themselves.
Fact: Many people (guys and girls) who are sexually assaulted are so traumatised by a sexual assault that they freeze and may be unable to react. This is a biological function and is not something that a person has control over.
Myth: Having an unwanted sexual act which the person did not consent to is OK if it's with your girlfriend/boyfriend.
Fact: Having an unwanted sexual act with your girlfriend/boyfriend without consent is still sexual assault and therefore against the law.
Myth: A guy cannot be sexually assaulted by a girl.
Fact: Although males are usually sexually assaulted by another male, some are assaulted by females.
Myth: Someone who has been drinking or taking drugs is asking to be sexually assaulted
Fact: Being under the influence of alcohol or drugs can prevent you from giving consent to sexual acts with another person. It is a crime to have sex with a person who cannot give consent due to being underage, intoxicated, unconscious, asleep or that has a decision-making disability.
Myth: Guys only sexually assault others because they are frustrated or they cannot control themselves.
Fact: Some sexual assaults are well planned in advance and do not involve a loss of control on the perpetrator's part.
Myth: Sexual assaults from drink 'spiking' are due to the use of the drug Rohypnol.
Fact: Most sexual assaults involving drink 'spiking' are due to additional amounts of alcohol, not the use of Rohypnol.
Myth: If someone agrees to kissing and fondling, that is the same as agreeing to “going all the way”.
Fact: All people have the right to determine what sexual acts they are comfortable with and can choose to change their minds at any time.
Myth: "No" can sometimes mean "yes" – women sometimes play 'hard to get'.
Fact: No means NO.
Myth: If you buy someone dinner and drinks then it is OK to expect that they will/should have sex with you.
Fact: Just because you are buying something for someone does not entitle you to have sex with them. Sex without real consent is a sexual assault and therefore against the law.
Myth: Guys who are sexually assaulted are, or will, become homosexual.
Fact: Sexual orientation is not affected or influenced by sexual assault.
Myth: Males who sexually assault other males are homosexual.
Fact: Most males who sexually assault other males actually describe themselves as heterosexual and are often in a relationship with a female at the time.
Myth: If someone says yes to a sexual act but changes their mind during the act it is OK to continue.
Fact: Consent can be given and taken away at any time. If someone says no to something, stop.
Myth: It is OK to have sex with your regular partner while they are asleep.
Fact: Someone who is asleep cannot give legal consent. Sex without consent is sexual assault.
Myth: Using the 'pill' is a form of safe sex.
Fact: Use of the ‘pill’ reduces the chances of getting pregnant but it does not protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). The best products for safer sex are condoms which can reduce pregnancy and contracting STIs.
Myth: It is OK to prevent or stop your partner from talking to any other girls or guys.
Fact: A respectful relationship should be free from power and control imbalances and instead nurture trust and respect.
Myth: Is it really sexual assault if someone does not scream or fight and does not have any injuries?
Fact: Most people don’t scream or fight, despite what you see on TV. They may not have screamed or fought during the sexual assault because they were frozen with fear. This is a common reaction for many sexual assault victims.

Respect & dating

If you like this Fact Sheet and want to know more, check out our other Fact Sheets:

 

 

You want to remember a first date for all the best reasons. This fact sheet has some tips so you don’t remember it for all the ‘not so great’ reasons.

 

For any situation you may encounter it’s about:

-       confidence
-       body language
-       awareness of your surroundings
-       good planning
-       good decision making
-       trusting your gut, and
-       respecting yourself and others!

 

Remember, in everything you do – it’s about what’s ok and what’s not ok for you.

 

Tip 1: Have a plan

 

  • Make a plan for where you’re going to go, and importantly how you’re going to get home
  • Meet them there and meet in a public place. That way if the date isn’t going as well as you hoped, you’re not relying on them for a ride home
  • Avoid getting into the car alone or heading to secluded locations with your date
  • Let your friends or someone else know where you’re headed and when you think you might get home. Get them to call and check on you while you’re on your date – can be a good ‘out’ if things aren’t going so well.

 

Tip 2: Try drink and drug free dates

 

Dates don’t have to be about drinking or going to the pub. There are plenty of fun booze free dates. You could…

 

  • be active and go for a walk or play sport
  • go out for coffee and cake
  • volunteer together
  • people watch
  • head out to the museum, gallery or local market
  • try something new – it can be a lot of fun to do something that the other person likes that you’ve never done before
  • check out what’s going on in the city on that day.

 

There are a lot of risks around using alcohol and/or other drugs – they can impair your ability to make decisions, they can make you do things you normally wouldn’t do, and they can make it hard to get out of a situation if things do get out of control. It also makes it a whole lot harder to get to know the person you’re dating and remember the great time you’ve had if you’re on something. 

 

If you are drinking and/or using other drugs…

 

If you are using alcohol and/or other drugs on your date then there are some things you might want to think about.

 

  • You may make decisions that you regret later
  • If your date buys you a drink make sure you watch the person pouring it
  • Keep your eye on your drink to make sure that nothing is slipped into it
  • Make sure you’re eating too so there is something to soak up the alcohol
  • Set limits for yourself – try not to drink too much and know your own limits.

 

 

For more on how to keep safe while drinking or taking other drugs see the Respect & Alcohol and other Drugs Fact Sheet.

 

Tip 3: Listen to your gut

 

When you’re on a date, whether it’s the first or one of many, make sure you listen to what your gut is telling you. Only you know how you feel. If you feel uncomfortable or unsure about something or the situation feels dodgy for a reason you can’t quite put your finger on, then it probably is. More often than not your gut is right, and even if not, you’d rather be on the safer side.

 

Tip 4: Know your limits and be confident to say ‘no’

 

Before the date think about how far you want things to go, and what you want and don’t want to happen. That way you can stay in control of what’s happening.

 

Let the other person know what you do and don’t want to do on the date (and this can be anything from sexual stuff down to what you don’t want to eat), and what you are and are not comfortable with. It also means knowing what your date’s limits are and respecting them too.

 

If you don’t want to do something or feel uncomfortable at all then don’t be afraid to speak up and say so.

 

Tip 5: Know the warning signs for abuse and violence

 

Dating is a great way to get to know someone and is a lot of fun. But sometimes it can get abusive and violent. This doesn’t just mean in a physical or sexual way – abuse can be yelling, name calling, threatening, obsessive phone calling or texting, extreme jealousy and possessiveness.

 

 

Be aware of the warning signs for abuse and violence in dating and relationships. These include if the other person:

 

  • gets aggressive if they don’t get their own way
  • gets extremely possessive of you, wanting to know where you are and who you’re with all the time
  • phones or texts you constantly
  • calls you names, puts you down or spreads rumours about you
  • gets extremely jealous when you spend time with other people
  • abuses alcohol and/or other drugs
  • gets into trouble with the law
  • blames you, or others, for things that go wrong
  • controls who you see and when you see them
  • tells you how to dress or act
  • threatens to kill themselves if you stop seeing them.

 

If something does go wrong…

 

If the date does go bad, or gets out of control, then get out of there and get help.

 

If things don’t feel right or the date just isn’t going that well then it might be time to go home. This is why it’s a good idea to meet them there, because if you want to make a quick exit you can.

 

If things start to get out of control, then it’s time to get some help. You can leave straight away, or call someone to come and get you, like a friend or a parent, or at least call them to tell them that you’re on your way home. If things get really out of control then you can get help from the police. Call 000 for emergencies or 131444 for non-emergencies.

 

If things got out of control and you feel like you have been a victim of sexual assault and need to speak to a counsellor then you can call the Sexual Assault Resource Centre (SARC) emergency line on (08) 9340 1828 or Freecall 1800 199 888. This line is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week so you can call any time. 

 

If you like this Fact Sheet and want to know more, check out our other Fact Sheets:

 

 

 

Information taken from ‘Love: good,bad,ugly’; ‘Get the Facts-dating 101’; ‘Sex’n’respect’; ‘thesite.org’; ‘http://teenadvice.about.com’; ‘http://collegelife.about.com; ‘http://www.greensboro-nc.gov/departments/Police/Prevention/datesafe.htm’;RAINN – Rape, abuse and incest national network’; ‘http://www.dockwalk.com/Essentials/HotTopics’.