Myths & Facts

Myth: Guys cannot be sexually assaulted.
Fact: Both guys and girls can be sexually assaulted. 1 in 20 men and 1 in 5 women in Australia over the age of 15 years have experienced sexual violence in their lifetime.
(Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2006). Personal safety survey (Reissue), Canberra)
Myth: Girls provoke sexual assault by the way they dress or act.
Fact: No person provokes or asks for sexual assault. Girls dress and/or flirt to feel attractive. Perpetrators are responsible for their own actions.
Myth: Girls enjoy being sexually assaulted.
Fact: Any form of sexual violence is frightening and humiliating and no-one enjoys an experience like that.
Myth: Most sexual assaults occur at night time in dark alleys.
Fact: Many sexual assaults occur in the daytime and in the home of the victim.
Myth: Most sexual assaults are committed by strangers.
Fact: Most sexual assaults (80%) are committed by a person known to the victim.
(Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2006). Personal safety survey (Reissue), Canberra)
Myth: Guys cannot be sexually assaulted because they can defend themselves.
Fact: Many people (guys and girls) who are sexually assaulted are so traumatised by a sexual assault that they freeze and may be unable to react. This is a biological function and is not something that a person has control over.
Myth: Having an unwanted sexual act which the person did not consent to is OK if it's with your girlfriend/boyfriend.
Fact: Having an unwanted sexual act with your girlfriend/boyfriend without consent is still sexual assault and therefore against the law.
Myth: A guy cannot be sexually assaulted by a girl.
Fact: Although males are usually sexually assaulted by another male, some are assaulted by females.
Myth: Someone who has been drinking or taking drugs is asking to be sexually assaulted
Fact: Being under the influence of alcohol or drugs can prevent you from giving consent to sexual acts with another person. It is a crime to have sex with a person who cannot give consent due to being underage, intoxicated, unconscious, asleep or that has a decision-making disability.
Myth: Guys only sexually assault others because they are frustrated or they cannot control themselves.
Fact: Some sexual assaults are well planned in advance and do not involve a loss of control on the perpetrator's part.
Myth: Sexual assaults from drink 'spiking' are due to the use of the drug Rohypnol.
Fact: Most sexual assaults involving drink 'spiking' are due to additional amounts of alcohol, not the use of Rohypnol.
Myth: If someone agrees to kissing and fondling, that is the same as agreeing to “going all the way”.
Fact: All people have the right to determine what sexual acts they are comfortable with and can choose to change their minds at any time.
Myth: "No" can sometimes mean "yes" – women sometimes play 'hard to get'.
Fact: No means NO.
Myth: If you buy someone dinner and drinks then it is OK to expect that they will/should have sex with you.
Fact: Just because you are buying something for someone does not entitle you to have sex with them. Sex without real consent is a sexual assault and therefore against the law.
Myth: Guys who are sexually assaulted are, or will, become homosexual.
Fact: Sexual orientation is not affected or influenced by sexual assault.
Myth: Males who sexually assault other males are homosexual.
Fact: Most males who sexually assault other males actually describe themselves as heterosexual and are often in a relationship with a female at the time.
Myth: If someone says yes to a sexual act but changes their mind during the act it is OK to continue.
Fact: Consent can be given and taken away at any time. If someone says no to something, stop.
Myth: It is OK to have sex with your regular partner while they are asleep.
Fact: Someone who is asleep cannot give legal consent. Sex without consent is sexual assault.
Myth: Using the 'pill' is a form of safe sex.
Fact: Use of the ‘pill’ reduces the chances of getting pregnant but it does not protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). The best products for safer sex are condoms which can reduce pregnancy and contracting STIs.
Myth: It is OK to prevent or stop your partner from talking to any other girls or guys.
Fact: A respectful relationship should be free from power and control imbalances and instead nurture trust and respect.
Myth: Is it really sexual assault if someone does not scream or fight and does not have any injuries?
Fact: Most people don’t scream or fight, despite what you see on TV. They may not have screamed or fought during the sexual assault because they were frozen with fear. This is a common reaction for many sexual assault victims.

Respect & romance

It is just as important to be respectful in romantic relationships as it is in all the other relationships. Romantic relationships are a bit different so here are the things you might need to consider in love and romance.

 

A healthy romantic relationship between two people has:

 

  • fun and friendship
  • compromise
  • support
  • honesty
  • affection
  • freedom
  • respect
  • communication
  • trust
  • equality

 

 

It starts with you…

 

Having a healthy relationship starts with you. It’s about knowing who you are and what you want. It’s about what’s ok and what’s not ok with you.

 

So to make sure you don’t lose yourself in a relationship:

 

  • remember what makes you YOU
  • don’t forget your needs and wants in the relationship
  • be able to do things on your own
  • keep in touch with friends and family
  • listen to your friends if they start saying things like ‘I never see you anymore’ or ‘you’ve changed’
  • don’t stop doing what you love
  • talk about it to your boyfriend/girlfriend or friends if you feel like you’re losing yourself.

 

It’s also important to think about what a good relationship means to you. What do you want in a relationship? Is it about spending time together, having fun, being affectionate, going out together, having sex, talking and sharing your personal thoughts and feelings?

 

A healthy relationship involves…

 

  • not trying to change the other person from who they are
  • having your own lives and being independent
  • seeing your friends and family whenever you want to
  • listening and talking to each other
  • having different opinions but being able to share your opinions and find a compromise
  • sometimes disagreeing but being able to talk about what happened and work out how to compromise and stop it from happening again
  • being truthful
  • agreeing on the sexual things
  • accepting each other for who you both are the way you are

 

Sexual respect in relationships

 

Different people have different ideas about sex and want different things from relationships. Also, people are sexually attracted to different types of people. Know what you are ready for and only do what you want to do, regardless of what the person you are with wants or what your friends are doing.

 

It starts with…talking

           

Talking about things is part of keeping relationships healthy. And even though it can be awkward and embarrassing to talk about sexual things, it’s important.

 

Talking about protection and condoms before the heat of the moment is also important – you don’t want to end up worrying about STIs or unplanned pregnancy.  Protection needs to be used for all types of sex (vaginal, oral and anal).

 

When it comes to sexual things – everyone has rights and responsibilities. It’s your right to be treated with respect, and it’s your responsibility to treat others with respect.

 

It’s your right to…

  • only do the sexual things that you are ready for and want to do
  •  tell the other person what you do and don’t want to do
  • be respected and listened to
  • be treated by the other person in ways that don’t break the laws on sex

It is your responsibility to…

  • respect what sexual things the other person wants to do and is ready for
  • to ask the other person what they do and don’t want to do
  • listen to and respect the other persons decisions
  • understand and abide by the laws on sex

 

The WA laws on sex say that…

  • you cannot give consent for sex until you are 16 years old
  • you cannot give consent for sexual activity if you are unconscious, asleep, drunk or on drugs, or pressured or forced into it and you need to understand what you are consenting to.

 

An unhealthy relationship involves…

 

  • not trusting each other and lying to each other
  • not talking openly about your thoughts and feelings
  • trying to change the other person
  • fighting constantly
  • feeling like you don’t know what you want anymore and you have lost yourself
  • feeling guilty about having your own friends or interests
  • feeling pressured to spend time with your boyfriend or girlfriend when you want to do something else
  • worrying about your boyfriend or girlfriend getting angry
  • giving up interests and people that are important to you
  • being jealous and possessive when you not with them
  • hearing from friends and family that they are worried about you
  • being isolated from friends and family
  • feeling constantly monitored and contacted by the other person
  • feeling pressured to do something that you don’t want to do.

 

If your relationship sounds anything like this then it might be time to sit down and have a serious talk or even call it quits. Some of these things can even be early warning signs of an abusive relationship.

 

If it gets abusive you can get help from lots of different places including:

 

  • our other Fact Sheets
  • other information online, see our Useful websites Fact Sheet for some great websites
  • from a trusted friend or family member
  • from an expert who has experience in dealing with this
  • from the Sexual Assault Resource Centre (SARC). You can speak to a counsellor by calling the emergency line on (08) 9340 1828 or Freecall 1800 199 888. This line is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week so you can call any time. 

 

 

If you liked this Fact Sheet and want to know more, check out our other Fact Sheets:

 

 

Information taken from Love is respect; See it and stop it; Love: the good, the bad and the ugly; Get the facts; Sex’n’respect; The site; The red flags; Relationships things; RR School Presentation; By choice, not chance.