Myths & Facts

Myth: Guys cannot be sexually assaulted.
Fact: Both guys and girls can be sexually assaulted. 1 in 20 men and 1 in 5 women in Australia over the age of 15 years have experienced sexual violence in their lifetime.
(Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2006). Personal safety survey (Reissue), Canberra)
Myth: Girls provoke sexual assault by the way they dress or act.
Fact: No person provokes or asks for sexual assault. Girls dress and/or flirt to feel attractive. Perpetrators are responsible for their own actions.
Myth: Girls enjoy being sexually assaulted.
Fact: Any form of sexual violence is frightening and humiliating and no-one enjoys an experience like that.
Myth: Most sexual assaults occur at night time in dark alleys.
Fact: Many sexual assaults occur in the daytime and in the home of the victim.
Myth: Most sexual assaults are committed by strangers.
Fact: Most sexual assaults (80%) are committed by a person known to the victim.
(Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2006). Personal safety survey (Reissue), Canberra)
Myth: Guys cannot be sexually assaulted because they can defend themselves.
Fact: Many people (guys and girls) who are sexually assaulted are so traumatised by a sexual assault that they freeze and may be unable to react. This is a biological function and is not something that a person has control over.
Myth: Having an unwanted sexual act which the person did not consent to is OK if it's with your girlfriend/boyfriend.
Fact: Having an unwanted sexual act with your girlfriend/boyfriend without consent is still sexual assault and therefore against the law.
Myth: A guy cannot be sexually assaulted by a girl.
Fact: Although males are usually sexually assaulted by another male, some are assaulted by females.
Myth: Someone who has been drinking or taking drugs is asking to be sexually assaulted
Fact: Being under the influence of alcohol or drugs can prevent you from giving consent to sexual acts with another person. It is a crime to have sex with a person who cannot give consent due to being underage, intoxicated, unconscious, asleep or that has a decision-making disability.
Myth: Guys only sexually assault others because they are frustrated or they cannot control themselves.
Fact: Some sexual assaults are well planned in advance and do not involve a loss of control on the perpetrator's part.
Myth: Sexual assaults from drink 'spiking' are due to the use of the drug Rohypnol.
Fact: Most sexual assaults involving drink 'spiking' are due to additional amounts of alcohol, not the use of Rohypnol.
Myth: If someone agrees to kissing and fondling, that is the same as agreeing to “going all the way”.
Fact: All people have the right to determine what sexual acts they are comfortable with and can choose to change their minds at any time.
Myth: "No" can sometimes mean "yes" – women sometimes play 'hard to get'.
Fact: No means NO.
Myth: If you buy someone dinner and drinks then it is OK to expect that they will/should have sex with you.
Fact: Just because you are buying something for someone does not entitle you to have sex with them. Sex without real consent is a sexual assault and therefore against the law.
Myth: Guys who are sexually assaulted are, or will, become homosexual.
Fact: Sexual orientation is not affected or influenced by sexual assault.
Myth: Males who sexually assault other males are homosexual.
Fact: Most males who sexually assault other males actually describe themselves as heterosexual and are often in a relationship with a female at the time.
Myth: If someone says yes to a sexual act but changes their mind during the act it is OK to continue.
Fact: Consent can be given and taken away at any time. If someone says no to something, stop.
Myth: It is OK to have sex with your regular partner while they are asleep.
Fact: Someone who is asleep cannot give legal consent. Sex without consent is sexual assault.
Myth: Using the 'pill' is a form of safe sex.
Fact: Use of the ‘pill’ reduces the chances of getting pregnant but it does not protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). The best products for safer sex are condoms which can reduce pregnancy and contracting STIs.
Myth: It is OK to prevent or stop your partner from talking to any other girls or guys.
Fact: A respectful relationship should be free from power and control imbalances and instead nurture trust and respect.
Myth: Is it really sexual assault if someone does not scream or fight and does not have any injuries?
Fact: Most people don’t scream or fight, despite what you see on TV. They may not have screamed or fought during the sexual assault because they were frozen with fear. This is a common reaction for many sexual assault victims.

Respectful Relationships

Even though everyone is different and everyone views the world differently, all relationships should be respectful.

 

People have many different types of relationships in their lives – with family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends – but all respectful relationships include characteristics like:

  • respect
  • communication
  • trust
  • equality
  • fun and friendship
  • compromise
  • support
  • honesty.

 

Respect is about…                     

…feeling safe            …making your own choices

…understanding that others have a right to be respected and feel safe            …trust and honesty

…being free and confident to be yourself            …being able to say no, or change your mind

…being able to say what you are thinking and feeling without being put down, criticised or hurt   …listening and being heard

…compromising and communicating            …being able to disagree and have your own opinion

…being able to make a mistake

 

 

Types of relationships

 

Relationships include those with family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, people you work with, people you play sport with, your parents friends…

 

Relationships can be between people from different countries, different cultures, the opposite sex or the same sex. They can be very close and intimate or not so close and more like acquaintances. They can be long term and last a lifetime, or they can be quite short term.

 

Basically relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and to know what relationships are right for you, you first need to know yourself and what your limits are.

 

Knowing yourself and your limits

 

Once we begin to know ourselves we are in a better position to have healthy and respectful relationships. Knowing what we want also helps us think and communicate more clearly.

 

There are so many things that make you YOU, like your values, culture, beliefs, relationships, experiences, spirituality, thoughts and feelings. Have a think about what the important things are in your life, what you feel strongly about, what are your dreams and aspirations, and what makes you unique.

 

Having healthy relationships also relies on you knowing your own limits. Limits are physical, emotional, spiritual or sexual boundaries that you don’t want to cross. Knowing your limits can help you make the right decisions for you and also keep you safer.

 

Remember we are not all the same, so what’s important to you and where you set your limits may not be the same as someone else. It’s about respecting yourself and respecting that others may be different from you.

 

It’s all about good communication

 

Communication in relationships is really important. It’s a two way thing – talking and listening.

 

Talking in relationships is part of keeping relationships healthy and positive, even though it’s not always easy and there are things you would rather not talk about.

 

Some tips to help you talk about the tough things…remember to let the other person finish talking, make sure you’ve understood what they’re saying, and sometimes it may even be worth repeating it back to them. The real key to good communication is listening, so make sure you’re not doing all the talking.

 

It’s good to talk about things that happen in a relationship that upset you, and it’s even more important to do this as they happen and not save them up for a big list of ‘I don’t likes…’ to bombard the person with.

 

And think about how you’re saying things. Try to say things in a way that doesn’t blame the other person, or put them down, and definitely don’t yell or raise your voice at the other person. These things will just make the other person stop listening and you won’t get anywhere.

 

What happens when there is conflict?

 

There are ups and downs in all relationships, even those that don’t involve romance. The downs may make you feel anything from upset, to confused, to guilty, to angry. When there is conflict it is important that you deal with it in a respectful way.

 

If you are not happy with something that someone has done or if you feel you are being treated disrespectfully, you need to talk to that person in a non-blaming way, and let them know how you feel and how you expect to be treated. Take the time to listen to the other person and hear their point of view. Some things that happen are hard to talk about, but it is still important to talk things through.

 

If you’re having problems in your relationships there may be conflict and disagreements. Keep arguments respectful and fair – no violence, no put downs, and you both have to talk and listen to each other. If you talk about it you may be able to learn from the argument and stop it from happening again. It is also important to recognise and own things that you might have done that led to the disagreement. More often than not an argument results from a simple misunderstanding so talking about it can sometimes quite easily fix it.

 

If talking with the person doesn’t work, and they cannot understand and respect your point of view, then you may have to remove yourself from the situation and maybe even them. Remember you need to show yourself respect too.

 

What about respect in romantic relationships?

 

Respect in romantic relationships includes all the things that are important in all relationships, but there are some important extras that need to be considered. See the Respect & romance Fact Sheet for more info on this.

 

If you liked this Fact Sheet and want to know more check out our other Fact Sheets: