How do I start the conversation?
It doesn’t have to be a big deal, starting the conversation can just be part of a regular catch up – you could start the conversation with:
- “You seem a bit off, what’s going on”
- “I know you’ve got a lot going on at the moment, how are you doing?”
Keep checking in: If they say everything’s fine and you still aren’t sure, you can always ask again another time. You can never check in on a mate too many times, and it shows them that there for them when their ready.
Signs a you might notice in your mate if he’s not okay
- He has big stuff going on in his life
- He doesn’t seem himself – he’s firing up and doing or saying things that aren’t like him
- He isn’t showing up for things that are important to him
- He seems really low
- He’s relying more on drugs or alcohol every day
“Down on themselves, not as energetic as usual, looking down at the floor, not talking as much.” – Lucas“Looks like they are not themselves, usually more quiet because I have a loud bunch of mates. That’s when we check in on them and ask them what happens and hopefully they trust us to open us with us. Once you do that first step of opening up it’s usually a lot easier.” – David
What if I don’t know what to say?
You don’t need to have the answers, you just need to listen. Being there for your mate is often enough, it reminds them that they aren’t alone.
- “It sounds like it’s really hard at the moment, is there any way I can help?”
- “I hear your struggle, I’m always here if you want to talk more”
“I think one of the big things is you don’t need to fix all your mates problems or anything, because sometimes you don’t know how, but just being there and just being someone to talk to and someone to muck around with, I think that’s really important.” – Alex
“You’re just showing up and showing them that they are worth your time. Whether you call them your bestfriend or whatever, if you show up and you go I am here for you it does mean alot.” – Oscar
Signs you might need a mate:
- You’ve got some big stuff going on in your life
- You’re angrier than normal and firing up quickly
- You’re not showing up
- You can’t be bothered doing the things you used to love doing
Don’t get caught alone when things are tough. Talk more, talk early. Don’t let things build up.
How to ask for support if I need a mate:
Start by organising a catch up, it doesn’t need to be a big deal.
- Kick a footy
- Make a call
- Head down to the river and go fishing
- Go on a car journey
- Go for a feed
- Do an activity that involves being next to each other, not face to face
What if my mate is really struggling, and I’m worried I don’t have the skills to help?
That’s completely normal, suggest to your mate to contact one of the following support services. You could even offer to go with him, or make the appointment with him. The important part is that your mate knows he isn’t alone and that support is available. If you think it might help, tell a trusted adult, none of this has to be navigated alone.